Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Breaking Up is Hard To Do

I’m sorry chocolate and French fries, I can’t see you anymore. No, no…it’s not you, it’s me. It’s for the best, you will find someone else whose blood sugar and cholesterol you can alter. But, I will always have a special place in my heart for you.

I didn’t truly comprehend the size of the mountain I would have to climb. Do I have a plan? Sort of…I know what I need to do, but I still drunk dial my former lover on occasion. The most recent was at my daughter’s birthday. I was good with everything until the decadent, chocolate, strawberry shortcake was uncovered! It was too much for me and I caved. I just had a small piece, followed by another small piece (that I ate while no one was looking). With the exception of the sneak piece (or kiss, if you will), I have been managing my addiction pretty well. I can say that with some certainty because I have been exercising, losing weight and my blood sugar levels have been where they belong. I am getting stronger, I will survive.

It’s funny because I always went about weight loss in a formal manner. I had a plan, a food journal, and an exercise log and strict rules that I beat myself up over if I broke one. I am following most of the rules for healthy eating. I am not keeping a food journal. I know that is a great help when controlling calories and carbs and whatever else you need to keep track of, and it has been a great help to me in the past, but I am just not that into it. I may be rebelling. I am not too concerned because I have been at this for many years and I know what the right choices are and I kind of like being a rebel. I know that eventually I will need to start keeping track because it is very easy to fall back into the arms of your old lover.

The reality of addiction is that you are held captive by it. It forces you to do things you don't really want to do. I no longer feel imprisoned. I have let go and allowed myself to accept it and I don't feel like a slave to my addiction! When I received my diagnosis my daughter said "mom! this is probably the best thing that could happen" I was a bit surprised and not too sure how I felt about that revelation. She cleared it up by saying "you are going to be so healthy now!" Ahh! now I understand and it was good to look at it from that perspective. Actually, it was freeing! I feel like I can actually walk through the bakery and be o.k. even if there is a chocolate strawberry shortcake because I learned from that experience and I am stronger for it. This is the beginning of learning the 50 ways to leave your lover.

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