Blindsided by the Light

I'm sorry I am a little behind. I will try to stay on top of it.

Another blow to my emotions! I met with my doctor to go over my lab results. It appears my cholesterol is not so good either and my doc told me that having diabetes, I have to be treated like a person that has already had a heart attack. I don't know what worries me more... blood sugar or the cholesterol!

Now that I have double motivation, you would think that I would be kicking proverbial butt, but the fact is that I am somewhat overwhelmed. I have so many emotions flowing right now it is hard to organize my thoughts. I have 3 months to get my sh*t together or I will have to take medication.

I am coming to terms with the hand I have been dealt. I have had to completely change my thought processes. I am not all the way there but I have made great strides. It used to be that when I was going to eat something that I shouldn't I just told myself "it's ok, just be good the rest of the day" or something to that effect. Now, that is no longer the case. Now when I want something not on the plan, I think about amputated limbs, blindness and being a burden to my daughter. It really does the trick.

I will say that not eating the processed junk and bad carbs has made a difference in my satisfaction level. I feel pretty good and I don't feel like snacking between meals. I have also joined the lunchtime walking club at work. We walk a mile around the building. The weather is good right now, but when summer comes...I don't think I'll be so agreeable.

One thing that I miss...French Fries. I just love 'em. Sweet potatoes make good fries but I found an even yummier swap. This recipe is from Hungry Girl that uses Butternut Squash and it really hits the spot.

Click here for the recipe. You will not be sorry.


**My week on a scale of 1-10:

*Tracking 5 - I start the day right but I fizzle out as the day goes on. Still gotta work on that
*Exercise 8 - I walked most days but I think I need to incorporate a little more activity in my days
*Eating - 10

*lost 1.75 pounds

On The Road Again

I am on the road again. The road to a healthier me and I am almost excited about it. As much as I want to be healthy again I'm a bit scared too. There is so much more riding on this trip than before. In reality there was always a lot on the line but I didn't want to admit it. I have been doing a lot of research into diabetes and getting my list of questions ready before I meet with my doctor. I want to do this right.

I am still having moments of pity and some self-loathing. Sometimes I am so mad at myself for getting so off course and letting my body go. There are times when I walk by a mirror or a window and I catch a glimpse of myself and I am surprised! Is that really me? Yep, that's me. I think there will be a lot of soul searching in the weeks to come. But that is a good thing! I have to figure out what has brought me to this point. I know a lot of it has been not taking care of me first! These last years have been very stressful and I have been so wrapped up in keeping my family together and with some semblance of normal, I have completely let me fall by the wayside.

The Goal: to achieve a balance in life. Healthy eating, exercise, family, friends and personal time.

**My week on a scale of 1-10:

*Tracking 6 - I start the day right but I fizzle out as the day goes on. Gotta work on that
*Exercise 5 - Gotta work on that too. I have joined the lunchtime walking group but I didn't walk every day.
*Eating 9
*lost 1.75 pounds

Invincible Me!

I have come to the realization that I am not invincible. I know, I was shocked too.

A few years ago I had my gallbladder removed and when they were getting me ready for the surgery the nurse asked me if I was taking any medications. I told her no, and she was surprised. She said most people my age are on some type of medication. I thought, wow, I am over 100 pounds overweight and I don't have any health problems related to it. No high blood pressure, which is common in my family, no diabetes, nothing else that requires medication! That gave me the sense that my weight was not that important. I was just lying to myself. First of all, I was having my gallbladder removed , I have sleep apnea and in 2007, I was hospitalized for 7 days with diverticulitis. All weight and diet related! When I got the results of my blood test telling me I am now diabetic, I was genuinely surprised. I spent the rest of the week feeling sorry for myself. I'm getting over the pity party and I'm starting to get into fight mode. I have a long road to travel so I hope I can stay in fight mode till the end.

I don't meet with my doctor for 2 more weeks and I need information. I want to be prepared for when I meet with the doc and find out what I've gotten myself into. Because it is something I got myself into. Something preventable that I didn't think would happen.

I am a reader so when I need information I start reading. Fortunately for me, there is the Internet so I don't have to go to the library. I have learned that Diabetes is forever. I can keep my blood sugar under control but I will always have it. I learned that not controlling my blood sugar can cause a whole host of problems, from kidney failure to blindness. This past week it has helped to picture myself blind or with amputated limbs in order to make better food choices.

So basically, I shouldn't eat anything white; white bread, white rice, potatoes, etc. All my favorite stuff! I did pretty good at Cattlemen's the other night for our anniversary dinner. I did not eat the bread and I had a sweet potato instead of a russet and I felt pretty damn good when we left! I totally enjoyed my meal. I guess this is do-able.

I want to share a yummy recipe. My BFF and I make applesauce every week in the crock pot. We both take it for lunch everyday and it is really good. It tastes like apple pie without the crust. As a matter of fact, my daughter heats it up and sprinkles graham cracker crumbs on top!


SHARI'S & JAMIE'S APPLESAUCE
10 apples-Granny Smith are the best
cinnamon-I just shake it in but it is probably about a tsp. Pumpkin Pie spice is good too
juice from 1 lemon
1/2 c. Splenda or whatever sweetener you choose. You can add more or less depending on your taste.
1/4 c. water

Peel, core and slice apples. Put them in the crock pot with the rest of the ingredients. Cook on low for 6-7 hours or 3-4 hours on high. When the apples are cooked you can mash with a potato masher or a spoon. I like it kind of chunky so I just stir it around and it comes out just right.


***My week on a scale of 1-10:

I was horrible on my goals this past week. I was depressed and enjoying my pity party. I did eat pretty good though.
*Tracking 0
*Exercise 0
*Eating 8

*I did not weigh in this week because we were celebrating our anniversary but I am looking forward to good results next week.